Oh, hello. It’s been a while, I know that. But a girl’s gotta work and bring home the bacon. Meanwhile, baseball has been happening and it’s been good. I decided to take a break from remembering our service men and women, eating all the food and drinking all the booze to recap the biggest moments from 2018’s Memorial Day Weekend.

Anthony Rizzo – Oops. Monday’s slide heard around the world had people hardcore debating whether it was dirty. Eric Byrnes will disagree, but Rizzo was up to no good. Clint Hurdle got ejected for standing up for his player. Joe Maddon tried to make a case for Rizzo’s innocence, but… no.

Vlad Jr. – For whatever reason, the Blue Jays still have not called up Vladimir Guerrero Jr from the minor leagues and people are starting to give them the side eye over it. The team is obviously struggling, and willing to start their veteran catcher in the outfield, so some are questioning whether Vlad Jr is getting held in the lower level just for financial reasons. There is no union to protect Vlad Jr, and while it’s not cool for the organization to be doing this, they can theoretically do whatever they want with the kid. Donaldson to the DL? BRING HIM UP.

Seattle – They’re hot and going all in. Over the weekend they traded for Alex Colomé and Denard Span. Ever since Robinson Cano got suspended on May 15, the Mariners have won 10 of their last 13 games and now land only one game behind the Houston Astros.

Ronald Acuna Jr – Welp, Acuna sprained his ACL and now he’s on the DL. Fantasy team owners who thought they were sly for picking him up first are definitely not laughing. I cringed every time they replayed this injury. It could’ve been way worse, so hopefully he can bounce back quickly. Afterall, watching young players are what’s making this season so great! LIKE VLAD JR! Heavy sigh.

Philadelphia – The Phillies are very good this season so be prepared to see a lot of “Phillies in Phirst Place” headlines in the coming weeks. If you’re a Philly fan, it’s great because they’re pulling a 2017 Yankees and are about one year ahead of schedule in terms of dominating the NL East. If you’re not a Philly fan, you’re likely pretty phucking annoyed about it.

Cleveland – The Indians rewarded fans who stuck it out through 14 innings with a CRAZY comeback win against the Astros. The Indians scored 5 rungs in the bottom of the 9th to force some free baseball. I’m not going to go into specifics because you’ve probably seen it, but my biggest hope is Trevor Bauer’s Twitter account gets even shadier. Why? Because it’s 2018 and everything is terrible.

Man, my love affair with baseball is getting spicy.

Thank you to all the service men and women who fought and are still fighting for us. We remember you, we are forever indebted to you.